Robbie and Mattie Colson

Robbie and Mattie Colson

We started a new job on the same day. Robbie in the junior school and me with the year fives. Because we were both new to teaching and new to the school, we did a lot of things together in those first days. Induction, learning the ropes and such. Robbie was staying in a motel while on the lookout for a place and having inherited Great Aunty May’s house I had a spare room and lots of space, so it made sense for Robbie to move in.

Turned out that teaching wasn’t the only thing that Robbie and I were passionate about. We loved the same music, were mad keen on getting out in the bush each weekend and enjoyed the same food. Really everything just worked from the start. Robbie just slipped into my life and has stayed there ever since.

We helped each other grow as teachers that is for sure, and we both had the same stresses at the same time- sports carnivals, parent interviews, and report writing. It was through these shared moments that we’d learn more and more about each other. Many was a time we’d sit across the table, and the conversation would star like so...

“How would you phrase: ‘Your son Max is a right little shit. But he always manages to get away with it so he must have two brain cells to rub together so I wish he’d bloody bring them to class’.”

“Max Colson?”

“You have to ask?”

“Hmmm. I’d say something like: Max has so much potential and would do very well if he channelled his energy into the pursuit of learning as well as pursuing his passion for daring fun.”

“You don’t think that’s a bit too… I don’t know… ambiguous? Or maybe flowery?”

“Robbie, I know my cousin Eddie, he’s the place Max got his stunning personality, his brains come from the mother’s side. So if you want her to sort the kid out and for Max to avoid another thrashing from Ed- I’d suggest that ambiguous and flowery is perfect!”

“Bloody Colsons.”

“Agreed, bloody Colsons!”

“Are you sure you weren’t adopted Mattie?”

“Very, sure my Dad has told me in glorious living colour the story of my birth and what a mess my Mother and I made in the milking shed.”

“What?!”

“Oh, believe me, that is a story for another day, we have reports to write, and you’ll want to keep your dinner down- it was so good after all.”

“It was Mattie, you’re a whizz in the kitchen.”

It was the days like these. The everyday ordinary days that I think really cemented our friendship. Having the same holiday schedule helped as well. At the end of the first term, we’d head up north to the holiday home that Arty Colson had somehow acquired. Everyone knew better than to ask too many questions about that. Like did he have the deeds, who was paying the rates, and if the previous owner was still walking the earth. Robbie and I would spend the shortening days walking the bush and beach in the morning, at a local café for lunch and spread out on the couch reading in the afternoon. In the evening, someone would light the fire, and the other would cook dinner. Then we’d be looking through Atlases, magazines, brochures, and books to decide where we might go abroad in January. Planning the next year's adventure.

Thanks to Aunty May’s good sense I didn’t have a mortgage and lived quite simply so from that first year I saved Robbie’s rent and a similar sum of my own pay. Then when December had come around, I suggested to Robbie that we use the sum to go to Fiji. Uncertain at first; eventually, I got agreement and so our first holiday began a tradition that lasted a lifetime, among other things. There was a funny situation when we arrived at the hotel they’d given us a room with a queen-sized bed, we figured it out in the end, made it work I guess you’d say.

Every year a different country. So many adventures and memories.

To be honest, it made me a bit of an outcast in the family. The Colsons have a bit of a tendency to stay close to home. So it’s often only the rebels and the black sheep that venture further afield. The same with going to university I think. I remember my brother Alvin saying to me when I said I was going to study to be a teacher that living in May’s house must be rubbing off on me. High falutin’ ideas and all- was the factory not good enough for me as it was for him?

It wasn’t like that at all of course. I never felt I was above working in the factory. But the thing is when you grow up in a family like ours that likes to hold with tradition and gets together for weddings, funerals, Christmas and all the big birthdays- well you end up being in a situation with a LOT of children. Those were the times that I felt most in my element. Children don’t hold onto any pretences they are open and honest and loving. They don’t judge or hold a grudge. And they don’t have all the stuffy ‘morals’ and such that many adults seem to love. Not that those morals seem to do them much good. I mean if what you believe means you think less of someone that believes something different then that’s pretty bloody stupid in my opinion.

So no I didn’t want to work in the factory with a bunch of people looking down on each other. I wanted to have a good excuse to keep hanging out at the kids table, so teaching it was. Funnily enough, Robbie was the opposite. An only child of immigrants no family on these shores at all. Robbie craved spending some time with kids and so that’s what motivated that decision.

So yes, the holidays caused some issues in the same way as university did. Why did I need to go overseas and not just enjoy the local holiday spots? Why always with Robbie? Didn’t I think it looked a bit strange at my age? Early on there were also the questions and subtle digs at the lack of any engagement ring. Not to mention that I was ‘leaving my run a little late’ if I wanted kids of my own.

I am not saying my family weren’t kind and loving as well. They welcomed Robbie each Christmas like just another family member. The Bianchi’s had returned to Italy not long after Robbie finished university. So Rob got adopted basically, by the Colsons.

To be honest, I think my brother Alvin and a couple of the older men in the family were the only ones who didn’t realise. I mean it’s not like we ever talked about it. As teachers, you always need to be careful in public and I guess that just carried onto our family life as well. I mean so many of the Colson kids went to the school we both taught at.

But well once Alvin found out everyone knew about it. He tells the story ‘better’ than I do- if you can say that. I mean he certainly adds more fervour to it than I would have. So I’ll pass this bit over to him.

“Bloody scandalous!! That’s what it was, disgrace the family like that. It’s just not the done thing. I mean don’t get me wrong, I like Robbie, a bloody good sort and always seems to know the best dirty jokes- you wouldn’t expect that. But the jokes and the I-talian food well seemed that even though Robbie weren’t exactly one of us, may as well have been a Colson. Maybe there’s a whole line of them over there in Italy, Colsioni or something similar and we all come from the same stock. But anyway I was tellin’ the story of when I found out.

It was around Christmas. We’d not long celebrated Mattie’s 40th birthday round at May’s old place, and they had all the trestle tables round theirs from that gathering. I’d pretty much given up any hope of her getting’ married by now- guess I’d just have to accept it, and well at least she had Robbie- a real good mate to share her life with.

School had not long broken up, and Ma was at me to go around and get the tables so we’d be ready for Christmas dinner. It was a bloody sizzlin’ hot day, but I wanted the old girl off me back, so I went around. I knocked on the front door as was the custom at Mattie’s. Not sure why she can’t just be like the rest of us- I mean the bloody back door is always open and their mates, kids, and family comin’ and goin’ all the time. You don’t even hardly need to knock. But well May had been the same, so I guess Mattie just kept up the habit.

I got no answer and figured they’d be out and about now that they didn’t need to worry about school no more. So I went round the side gate headin’ for the shed where I knew the tables would be. That’s when I heard the noise.

I don’t like to describe it really I mean it almost sounded a bit like when you hear the possums breathin hard in dark when we go out spotlighting for bunnies. But at the same time it sounded like maybe someone was perhaps havin’ a bit of fun. You know a bit of hanky panky, like?

So I started to tread a little quiet see what was goin’ on whether it was Robbie or Mattie that was keeping stum about having someone special in their lives.

I peeked around the corner of the house. There was a blanket on the lawn and I saw a pair of feet. Pretty girls feet. Then there was some legs and then one of the fairest pert bottoms you have ever seen- and you know I’m only saying that because it wasn’t me sisters bum. I mean if it had been hers then that would be a whole ‘nother matter. I mean I don’t mind admitting that coming across this scene on a lovely summers afternoon had me own trousers getting a little tight.

Now the next thing I saw was a pair of hands on the head that belonged to the bottom. The head that was in the lap of the owner of the hands. The owner of the hands was MATTIE!”

“Jesus fookin’ Christ and all the little angels in heaven. Matilda May Colson what in God’s name do you think you two are doin’?

That’s what Alvin said. I mean he just stood there with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open and a pretty obvious erection. Robbie sat up and she said.

“Ain’t nothing happening here in God’s name Alvin. Perhaps you’d like to give us ladies some privacy, and we’ll put some clothes on and help you with whatever you came here for.”

“Oh, ah…trestles. I come for the Trestles.”

“Pardon?”

“The trestle tables, Elsie sent me round for the Trestle tables for Christmas dinner.”

“Right then we’ll meet you out the front in a minute.”

“Oh, yeah, yep, right you are then.”

Alvin backed up not once taking his eyes off of Robbie’s body all the while trying to avert them from mine. He disappeared around the corner, and we collapsed into a heap together laughing.

“I think we might have just given your brother a coronary.”

“I don’t know, it looked to me like he was enjoying the view as much as I do.”

“Hmmm”.

We took the tables around the front, and Alvin loaded them into the car. Once he was done, he wiped his hands on his trousers and his face with his handkerchief. Without once meeting our eyes, he said:

“Well if that’s how it is then you won’t be coming ‘round the house for Christmas.”

Before either of us could reply, he was in the car, engine started, and off down the road.

“Does he mean that?” Robbie asked.

“Yeah, I expect so.”

“Bloody hell!”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“No?”

Alvin’s long-suffering wife Elsie rang about 30 minutes later, Alvin raging in the background.

“He told me what he said ta ya. Bloody fool. I can tell you right now your usual seats will be at the table this Christmas. I always knew you were both a bit strange I mean for goodness sake you spend all year with the bloody little brats. I cannot fathom why you want to sit with them at the kids table on Christmas day! Don’t mind Alvin, he’s just a bit excited he hasn’t seen a woman’s bare arse since we conceived little Shona and the way he’s carrying on he won’t be seeing one again any time soon.”

Poor Alvin, ‘little Shona’ was in my year five class last year. She spent the whole year putting her hand up saying Auntie Matilda, I mean Miss Colson.”

Robbie didn’t stay on at the school the next year. It had nothing to do with Alvin- she’s already left for a promotion to assistant principal in the next town over.

Nowadays, we’re working back together. She beat me out for the Principals job, not that I minded- I get more time with the kids. And since the law changed engagement rings materialised, and we tied the knot a few years back.

The kids think it’s hilarious of course.

“Good Morning Mrs Colson, and Good Morning Mrs Colson.”

I did offer to take her name but she declined. Wanted to be a Colson.

“Everyone knows the Colsons” was what she said.